Thursday, October 26, 2006

Suicide is Painless

A while back my store manager was talking about someone he knew who had just killed himself after a lot of personal problems. He made the remark; "I don't see how anyone could get that desperate that they could even think about killing himself". I didn't say anything, as it was pretty much a rhetorical statement, but I felt myself qualified enough to give an answer because, unlike him, I had been to some pretty low places and had thoughts that turned toward bringing an end to my existence. He had never been in the middle of a full-blown panic attack where the mind goes off on a tangent of irrational thinking and chaotic thoughts that come out of nowhere. Where every muscle in your body feels like it's trying to jump up and run away, and your stomach feels like a pit of acid eating through your midsection. He'd never felt the anger and frustration that comes immediately after a panic attack because he was powerless to stop it. Or the embarrassment of having to change plans and trying to explain why without revealing the true reason. Or the disappointment in his kids' eyes and the hurt in his heart when he knows he let them down, again. Or the humiliation and shame when his wife reaches the end of her patience and screams "Why can't you just get over it!". Or gets so depressed that he can't even visualize a life that isn't like this all the time..... Yeah, I can see where some people might take extreme measures when problems become overwhelming. Sometimes suicide doesn't seem so awful.


Blogger Sheryl said...

I can empathize. Ihave been there, but in a different context. Please tell me you have gotten treatment. I was skeptical, but meds do work,as does therapy.

10:14 PM  
Blogger Cheri said...

Hello Tim, story of my life, minus the wife and kids.

I stopped taking my Zoloft recently. I have an appointment with my doctor to go to someone more.. professional. The Zoloft isn't working in my opinion, I've been on it for a year and I feel like I did the days before I started on it, alone and desperate, depressed and in despair.

I'm always here if you need someone to just be a listener!

10:25 PM  

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