Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Mr. Lonely

Right now is one of those times I wish I had a close friend to be able to talk to and tell what's going on in my life, and to give me advice that's useful. But I have no one except my wife who I can talk to, and when she's part of the problem then I have to go it alone. So, this online diary of mine is where I put all my worries and frustrations.

I need to make up a resume and head out looking for a new job. I've put this off for a long time, but things at work are getting to the point where I can't see myself being there much longer. I usually go to work and do my job without complaint, but around Thanksgiving last year I couldn't take it anymore and turned my two weeks notice in, telling my boss - in an uncharacteristic burst of anger- what I saw to be major problems, many of them directly stemming from him. He told me that things would change for the better and convinced me to stay. I think my speaking out irked him, and after an initial period of when things did get a little better, they went back to the way they were, only worse. This is a family business, and the owner gives the store manager absolute power over every aspect of it, so there is no going over his head if you have a problem, and no union to back you up, so if you get on his bad side he will make life impossible for you, and right now I'm not on his good side.

My wife has gotten me to a point where I just want to give up on everything. She has become so irresponsible managing money that we are the farthest in debt we've ever been, and she can't see it even when it's pointed out to her. A few months ago we had been looking at some new vehicles to replace her van, which was starting to have problems. After checking out prices and keeping in mind all we have to do to our land to get it ready to start building on, we decided it would be cheaper to fix the van and keep it for a while longer. About three days later she drove home in a new- two year old- suv which she saw and reasoned to herself that she had to have, forgetting all about what we'd decided. $15,000 more in debt. Then she went behind my back and bought a brand new garden tractor for me after we'd decided to hold off on that. Sure, it's nice but more than I need, and $1000 more than the ones we'd looked at together, so there's another $3000 on the credit card. Now, after spending most of our savings for my son's graduation she's decided to take a vacation and go to the ocean. No discussion. She already booked hotels and everything for her and my youngest son and my niece and her kids. Ah, magic credit card, is there anything you can't do?
Also, we've never been that far apart, so the anxiety level for me will be astronomical, worrying about everything that could go wrong.

There. I've laid it out for you, Mr. Blogger Diary. My life of late, such as it is, in two short paragraphs. And I wonder why I'm stressed all the time?


Blogger Michelle's Spell said...


I can so sympathize with your situation! When I was married (a million years ago), we also had issues of that sort. Both our jobs were terrible and neither one of us could handle money. Things would get worse, so we'd spend more money -- good plan, huh?! :) Since I've been divorced, I never had a credit card (except for a bank debit card) for that reason and it helped a lot and keeps me straight. I know that's not feasible for people with children, though. It's also tricky when your spouse isn't on the same page because money means more than money -- it means control and power and entitlement to certain things. So far as I can tell, people really resist any attempts to control their spending until things get very hard. I don't have any solutions, but I'll be sending all thoughts and prayers your way. take care, michelle

10:08 AM  

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