Sadness

I just read in the paper today that one of my best friends from school passed away. It's had me thinking all day about things. Things like the cruelty of death. No, more to the point, the unfairness of it. Here was a man who was a stellar human being, a Christian, star basketball player in his school days (and I do mean a star), husband and father, and his future is no more. No playing with grandkids, no more walks with his wife, none of the planning that everyone else does. It just all comes to an end. Someone who gave so much to others, but could have given so much more had there been more time. It's just hard to comprehend for me because I tend to dwell on things. I take some comfort in the fact that he had prepared himself - he had cancer for several years - and had put his fate in the hands of the Lord.

A lot of the idea of death being an unfair certainty comes from my own experiences. My mother died a week before my wedding, so she never got to see me - or my younger sister who got married two weeks after I did- get married, or see me have children. She loved children and my kids would have loved her. My father passed away before my youngest son was born, and my other two didn't have time to get to know him very well. My brother-in-law got killed while my sister was pregnant with their second child. I know things have been a lot worse for other people...murder victims or accident victims who are in the middle of the joy of life and suddenly they are no more, leaving behind a stunned family and dreams that will never come to fruition. I wonder why God wouldn't leave us with more knowledge of the certainty of ...something, an existence of some kind after we leave this life. After billions of years still no one knows where we go, or if we go anywhere, when we die. Wouldn't it ease our pain if we had just an inkling of what lies beyond? Or maybe that's the test... we have to have Faith... trusting that someone will be there to catch us when we are dropped into the ground. I know my friend had Faith, as did my father. I try very hard but questions and doubts keep entering my mind about where I'll end up.

Although I haven't seen you much these past few years I will always remember the good times we had. I will miss you Jeff.