Can You Tell This About Me?

You rarely hear a person talk about their failures when they speak of their life's works. No one likes to say that they've been an alcoholic most of their life, or that they were an unfaithful husband, or that they failed the Bar exam three times. Trying to accomplish something holds little weight in the stories of our lives, but failure is a large part of the growing process in a lifetime. I've been neglecting this online journal because I, too, am ashamed to admit failure in my endeavor to take back control of that part of my life which causes me such distress. In truth, the lack of aggressively attacking my problem has been my biggest disappointment, and something I've been trying to change lately, but a lifetime of living with a certain phobia is not an easy thing to change and the going has been slow, and frustrating. So even though very few people besides me read what I put down here, I still hesitate to expound on the futility of my problems day after day. My hope has always been to keep track of my progress on here and one day see that I've mastered that part of me which has for so long held control over me. Instead, I keep my disappointments to myself and push them back where no one can see them.