It Has To Be True

Over the years I've gotten - like most people - hundreds or more e-mails claiming that I've either won a foreign lottery or a deposed king is seeking me out to hold 20 billion dollars for him and will pay me 17% of it or that I am the true heir to Howard Hughes' fortune. Being the lazy ass I am I've never gotten around to laying claim to any of my unknown wealth, BUT... yesterday I got an official e-mail from the FBI no less, telling me that some of those were hoaxes and they were just out to get my money. I was stunned, of course, but the feds went on to assure me that the one from the Federal Ministry of Finance from Nigeria was indeed the real deal and that $800,000 had already been deposited into an ATM card account and all they needed was a $200 payment from me to activate the card. They went on to say that there had even been fake FBI e-mails sent to some, and not to be fooled because they didn't have the official seal on it, like this one had. I felt such a sense of gratitude and patriotism that the FBI was watching out for me, an average American who just happened to come into $800,000, that I cried just like I did when they showed the Berlin wall coming down, or when The Incredible Hulk couldn't save his wife and she died in his arms. Anyway, dashing to my checkbook I discovered that I had $20.17 and I needed to get gas in my car yet. I don't know how long they'll hold my money in that account, but just as soon as I scrape together $200 I'll be living the easy life, I have no doubt.