Monday, February 26, 2007

On the Edge of Hell

It hits me out of the blue most of the time, or so it seems. Anxiety and panic have gained ground over the calmness which I have been able to maintain for quite some time. For some reason though I now find myself anxious almost all the time. The demon I thought I was finally pushing out of my life has come back as strong as ever. Irrational thoughts prevail, making even the simplest daily event something to dread. I try to reason things out when that happens, and I have been able to keep the full-blown panics to a minimum, but that ever present anxiety waits for the trigger to be pulled to send me into that world where reasonable thinking has been drowned out by waves of terror which have no reason to exist.

I've spent a lot of time telling myself that my fears are unfounded, and I can see that it's true. My brain knows that there is no reason for me to feel this way, but another part of me takes over in those times, sending signals to my brain which initiates the "fight or flight" reflex and sends adrenaline coursing through my body. A counselor I had once told me that people go to theme parks and pay lots of money to get the rush that I get. I would gladly pay that much and more to be rid of this, my demon, who takes me on these unwanted trips to hell.


Blogger Michelle's Spell said...


I totally understand, having had anxiety issues on and off for years. Your demon sounds awful! I hate when it comes back. The only thing that works for me is running -- I hate it, but the pain of such a hateful exercise makes me feel a little calmer. I think it might short circuit something in the brain. I'll be sending you all happy thoughts! take care of yourself, m

9:56 AM  

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