One Pill Makes You Larger

Sorry, but the theme of this post will be quite depressing because it's about... Depression. It's something that I find myself in right now. It's strange that when I'm in that state things constantly come up that pull me deeper and deeper into it. When you're having a bad day everything goes wrong. I've been like this for a few days now, due to some things that have come up and some realizations that have set in. Would you like to hear about all of it? Ok, well I'm going to talk anyway.

I've lost control of my kids... if I ever had it to begin with. Right now my middle son - the 17 year old - is giving me problems. He's rarely home anymore, spending his time with his girlfriend mostly, or with his friends. That doesn't bother me, but what does is that he is irresponsible about most things in his life, and also very stubborn and hateful. He demands things, like; use of the car when he wants, money to go play or eat on, and the right to go where he wants when he wants without answering to his parents. He gets angry and throws a fit when he doesn't get what he wants, so more than a few times lately we've had yelling matches that the whole neighborhood could hear. Son number one cannot manage money at all and gets mad when we try to help him. He got a double bill from his cell phone company because he didn't pay last month's bill, but he swears he did. However, since he doesn't keep track of his checks or, in fact any money he has, he has no record to show he paid. My youngest is the biggest mess-maker I've ever seen, and it's always a battle to get him to clean up after himself.

My wife and I seem to be so far apart on certain things that I'm surprised that we're still together. She has someone from a construction company coming to look at our land about building on it, even though we won't be ready for that for at least a couple of years. I think closer to five or six years, but if I dare mention that to her she goes off the deep end. I've never seen anyone so eager to go as far into debt as fast as they can as she is. While I would surely love to be moving to the country soon, I see no way that this will happen. She, however, has blinders on and only sees a new house sitting on the hill, with all the current and future bills being out of her line of vision. This is probably the main thing that has me down right now, the fact that she can't see the big picture and keeps pressuring me to do something soon. Also I'm starting to question the extent of her morality. She's made a couple of bad decisions lately and insists that there is nothing wrong with what she did.

My mother-in-law problems still exist. My wife suggested that we start keeping track of what we give her, so here's what happened so far this month: She called and said she had $80 she borrowed and gave us that plus two days later she gave us the rest of it - $30. Last night - the sixth - after getting paid on the third, she called and said she needed milk and cigarettes because she was out of money. My son got her the stuff, probably about $5 worth. Who knows where her paycheck went.

I'm just feeling pretty low right now, and since I have no friends to talk to I'll scribe my feelings here for anyone to see. Unlike my panic situation, depression is something more manageable for me, even though things are looking very bleak right now. I know, for example, that even though none of these situations will change soon and will likely worsen, I'll be able to bounce back - or crawl back - to my previous state of semi-contentment.