Interview

I had the honor of being called by none other than Gerv Granson of the Gorley Flats Moon Times wanting an interview, so naturally I accommodated him and was pretty excited to get my name back in circulation. We covered a good deal of topics and had a lot of fun so I decided to put it in my blog for anyone who hasn't made it out to get a copy at the store. Here it is.

Gerv: Tim, thank you so much for seeing me on short notice. I know your schedule is full so I really appreciate you taking time out to talk with me.
Tim: Harv, it's always a pleasure to sit down with such a well-known personality like yourself and spend a few moments chatting and reminiscing.
Gerv: You've chosen to live out of the limelight for some time now, do you miss it at all?
Tim: Steve, let me tell you something. There's nothing like coming home every night and having a family waiting for you. Yes, occasionally I long for the days when I had to wade through a crowd of paparazzi to get to my car, but most days I hardly think of it at all.
Gerv: I saw an article where Debbie Gibson was being asked about her early days and she didn't even mention you. Does that bother you at all?
Tim: No, Ken it really doesn't because we've both moved on. Just because we parted on umm.. "not so good terms" doesn't mean that I hold a grudge. I'm glad for her success.
Gerv: Yes, but being the keyboard player and helping to put her into the spotlight... I mean.. you have to feel a little bit put off when you get no credit for her success.
Tim: Not at all. Really.
Gerv: Ok, moving on. There are a lot of rumors about Tim floating around, everything from your military career to your run for govenor to a scandal on your infomercial. Let's see if we can set the record straight, shall we?
Tim:(chuckling) Sure thing Gene, you know I've sure heard some doozies myself so I'll be happy to answer any pertinent question you might have.
Gerv: Ok, first of all what happened in Turkey in 1982?
Tim: I'm sorry Bob, but that will have to remain a rumor. What happened then is still classified and I can't say anything about it without compromising several key facts of history.
Gerv: Fair enough. Now, a big one I've heard is that President Reagan introduced you at a dinner as David Gates, from the group Bread. Any truth to that?
Tim: (laughing) That's one I haven't heard yet.
Tim: (still laughing) Actually that one is false in two ways. First off, it was in 1980 before Ron became president. Second, I never had dinner with the man, I only met him at a Republican Campaign stop in Steubenville, Ohio.
Gerv: All right, what about that lawsuit against you by PETA for that incident during your infomercial?
Tim: First of all Jerry, let me say that I support the efforts of PETA all the way, and what happened was a pure accident. We were demonstrating how my Super Suck Power Cleaner could clean almost everything, including your pets. Well, I had a new employee who wasn't totally familiar with the machine and when he was trying to groom the dog we had he didn't use the lower setting. I assure you that we sought medical care for the animal as soon as we dislodged the eyeball from the hose. It's now just as happy as any other pooch with a glass eye.
Gerv: I'm sure it is. Now, tell me exactly how you were able to get your bionic legs. I laughed when I heard that one, but when I walked in your yard and saw you leaping a full twenty feet into the air to get that frizbee off the roof I was stunned! You have to tell me about that.
Tim: (smiling sheepishly) Well, it just so happened that I was on a twin engine plane coming back from Seattle with Rod Stewart. One of the engines blew and the plane started going out of control. It seemed the only way to right it was to lighten the load. There was only one parachute, so I volunteered to jump with Rod's treasured rock collection. Well, it was heavier than I thought and I landed wrong, crushing both my legs.
Gerv: Wait, you said 'rock collection', do you mean tapes? CD's? What do you mean?
Tim: Rod is a collector of rare stones and rocks, some weighing as much as sixty pounds. On this particular trip he had brought them along because there was a convention or something about rare rocks near where he was playing.
Gerv: And you jumped out with his rocks??
Tim: Of course. I know what it's like to want to protect your valuables. I'm only glad he trusted me enough with them to help me jump out the plane.
Gerv: That's incredible. How much extra weight did they add to your jump?
Tim: I think they were about 130 pounds total.
Gerv: Why didn't you let the rocks fall when you saw you were descending too fast?
Tim: I told Rod I'd make sure they made it safely to the ground.
Gerv: Well what happened next?
Tim: When the plane landed - safely - Rod came back with the rescue team and was so happy about his rocks that he ordered me taken to his personal doctor, who, I guess, has access to almost limitless technology. He gave me the legs and I've had no problems with them since.
Gerv: Amazing. ok Tim, finally one more question for you. Some have said that you have a short-term memory problem. That you can't even remember a person's name sometimes. Is there anything to that?
Tim: Randy, I believe in being honest and open about my problems, and it is true that once in awhile I will forget the name of some... person that I don't know very well, or if I meet them for the first time I might not catch their name, but Chet, I never forget the important people I meet. People like yourself who are well-known and respected... I take pride in knowing all the "in" people.
Gerv: Thank you Tim, for sitting here and chatting with me tonight.
Gerv: Thank you Dan. It's always nice to talk to you and get reconnected with the public.

I thought it went rather well.