Saturday, September 30, 2006

Are We Alone?

Awhile back there was a debate over whether some rocks that had made their way to Earth from Mars really contained traces of organisms, which would mean that life had once flourished on the red planet. I did some studying of my own and concluded that nothing in the rocks suggested any evidence of once-living organisms. But, I've put some pictures on here so you readers can judge for yourselves.

You'd have to use a lot of imagination to see anything here.

Just another space rock if you ask me.

This is a magnified image of one of the rocks.

Nothing whatsoever suggesting
anything other than mineral deposits.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Tim Cleans House

A typical housecleaning day for me:
1) Make mental note to make paper note to write down everything to be cleaned/fixed/finished
2) Check email first.
3) See if anyone is on Yahoo.
4) Make mental note to print out job list while on computer.
5) Catch up on blog reading.
6) Check fridge for a snack and notice a few more things needing done while in kitchen.
7) Make sure the Sci-Fi Channel isn't having a marathon of The Incredible Hulk, or something equally enthralling.
8) A Wonder Woman Marathon! Wow! Watch four hours worth.
9) Google Linda Carter images and find out she still looks great.
10) Get busy folding laundry and notice the mailman just went. Read mail.
11) Check on computer to see what the balance is in checking account because Sears has a good sale on jigsaws.
12) Go to Lowe's web site to see if their jigsaws are cheaper than Sears.
13) Hear school bus go by. Kids will be home soon, gotta get busy.
14) Play a quick game of Freecell.
15) Trying for sixth win in a row at Freecell.
16) First kid arrives from school. Lecture him about getting his homework done right away and not putting it off until later.
17) Simpsons and King of the Hill are on.
18) Wife will be home soon, start supper.
19) Print out jobs list.
20) Wife comes home. Meet her at the door before she makes it inside and usher her out for a nice sit down dinner at her favorite restaurant.... well maybe Pizza Hut.
21) Come home from eating out and wife is so tired she goes straight to bed without looking at all the cleaning I've done today.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Wages of Sin is Death

I had a dream a couple of nights ago which was odd and disturbing. In it I was with someone else, can't remember who, and we were both scared. I guess we had killed someone several years earlier by accident but had been so afraid of getting in trouble that we hid the body in a wall, I think. Now someone was doing something to the building and would soon discover the body. We wished so hard that we could go back and undo things that we actually did. We relived the accident and pulled the girl free from whatever it was that killed her the first time and things were ok then. I woke from this dream with a horrible, overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame. I thought the dream must be a representation of something that I did and could never make right, but I have yet to figure out what. I never killed anyone but it does bring to the forefront of my thoughts one of the things I am most shamed by.

When I was growing up in the country I went hunting quite a bit so shooting animals was something I did as often as I could, with a lot of enjoyment. One day a stray dog showed up at the house. People from town often brought their dogs out to the country when they got tired of them and just dropped them off so there were often dogs running around. They could become a real nuisance and a real danger because they tended to run in packs and could kill a lot of sheep or other livestock, and we had to destroy a few of them because they became mean. The dog that showed up this day was a little playful thing, not a puppy but not an old dog either. It must have been kept in a house because it always tried to get in and we'd have to shoo it out. After a few days of it hanging around and wanting fed and everyone complaining about it I decided to get rid of it. I went to the woods and it eagerly followed me, as it saw me as its new master, evidently. When I was at the top of the hill I stepped about thirty feet away from it, took my .22 rifle, sighted it on the dog's chest and fired. The shot only wounded it badly and it yelped and howled limping toward me as if to say "master I'm hurt, please help me!". The trusting, seeking look in its eyes as it made its way closer to me was something I had never seen and was unprepared for. Right then was when I realized that this animal had a soul, something I hadn't thought of before, I guess. The only thing I could do was to put him out of his misery, as he would die slowly otherwise. That second shot was much harder to take than the first, and would forever change the way I thought about killing something.

From that moment on I was plagued with guilt and shame and a feeling that sometimes when you do things there is no way to undo them, like I did in that dream. I was a teenager back then, and maybe I can be forgiven because of that fact, but looking in those pleading eyes as I pulled the trigger is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Who is That!!??

Here he is! The ferocious feline himself. Jack, the terror of the household. Twenty five pounds of rippling-muscled fury. Guardian of his kingdom. Ok, so maybe he just sits around until someone walks by then begs for food, and maybe that twenty fives pounds is mostly fur and fat, but he's a part of the family and has been for quite awhile. This is one of the first pictures I got on here from the digital camera I got my wife for her birthday.
I was going to take some of myself and put on here, but... The first picture I took something happened and some old guy turned up in the picture. So I tried again and it looked like I was a corpse, lying in state. I thought "what happened to that great looking guy with the dark hair and deep eyes". I tried again and got a terrorist-looking dude. I knew what was wrong, I just needed to flash my super lady-killer smile, so I tried again. Do you remember on Beauty and the Beast - the disney movie- where the beast tries to "flash the debonair smile" and instead looks like he's about to attack a helpless animal? Yep, you got it... I'm not very photogenic. I immediately chided my wife "how could you let me get so ugly"? "You look fine", she said, not looking up from what she was doing. "No I don't.. what happened, I look so..". "Old?" She finished my sentence. "Well did you expect to look like you did twenty years ago?" Actually I don't mind looking older, but I always thought I was ok-looking. I mean, I've had pictures taken in the last few years and I always assumed they had just caught me on a bad-hair day or when I had just got out of bed... all of them. And thinking about it, the ones that didn't look so bad were taken from, like... a football field away. So needless to say I probably won't be putting any pictures of me on here anytime soon.... maybe on Halloween.

Friday, September 22, 2006

A Year Ago

This was a year ago, on the 23, when my oldest son arrived home from New Orleans after spending a month down there working in the aftermath of Katrina. He met me as I got home from work. I didn't even know my wife had taken that picture of him and me until people started asking me about him because they had gotten an email she sent out with this picture in it. It was such a relief when he finally got home safely after all the troubles he had to got through. He was clean-shaven when he left, but really looked different when he got back, with a goatee and tan and wearing a cap, which he never used to do but has since.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I just applied for a new job at a new store opening in our city and I'm a little nervous. The store will be a rival to the one I'm working for now, so if they happen to find out I applied I'll be on the poopy list even more than I am now. On the other hand, would it be more fair to them to tell them I did apply, thereby bringing to the surface some of the things that make me want to leave in the first place? Since nothing will ever change anyway I doubt that would be the right choice. I'd go into some of the things I hate about my job, but since at least one person I work with knows about this blog that may not be a good idea either. Oh well, onward and upward...

The Cleveland Browns are starting out the season... umm.... typically I guess you could say. I don't get into the Browns as much as I do the Indians, but whenever I can I try to keep up on what's going on, and so far that aint much. The Tribe, on the other hand.... well, they were mathematically eliminated for the playoffs a few games ago, not that anyone in the civilized solar system thought there could be a breakdown of the league leaders so bad that the Indians would stumble into the post-season. But they are playing pretty well right now, so it's still an exciting end to the season. We got to see a lot of new young faces in the lineup this year and hopefully a lot of them will be back next year. Unfortunately, we saw a lot of new, young faces in the lineup and I thought that was part of their problem this year... when they started to play poorly they dealt away veteran players to get new blood in the lineup instead of concentrating on the basic problems at hand, like not getting wood on the ball when they were at bat. I'd love to take a turn at being the G.M. because it sure seems like their current one doesn't know much about the game, and is prone to panic when the team gets in a slump.

Ok, I'm sure you all wanted to hear about my take on the Cleveland sports scene. Who knows where my mind and typing fingers will take me next time. Hopefully something more interesting.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Things That Go Bump in the Night

I went out to the land for a few hours last night. Burned some brush and took a lap around my hiking trail. I stayed until well after dark, and if I was someone who was easily spooked I might have felt a bit uneasy being there surrounded by hills with no one in sight, no light except for the fire I had going. But, I found it peaceful. Still.... when you start hearing odd noises and your eyes play tricks on you it could make you a little nervous. Not me though, of course. However...the old house that is mostly fallen in is right by where I park when I go there, and I did hear, a couple of times, something hit the car, lightly like it was brushing against it. It's times like that when I wonder if someone has died in that house, or someone who used to live in there has died and maybe comes back from the celestial beyond to see who might be tresspassing. But those are fleeting thoughts and disappear quickly to be replaced by more concrete thinking... last night my concrete thinking at the time conjured up the movie "The Mothman Prophecies". Not that I was staring into the dark sky looking for winged creatures to fly by or anything... or peering into the woods for a pair of red eyes looking back at me. Or checking up and down the road to see if something was creeping along its gravely course. naaahh..

Along that thinking I was talking to my wife about turning my hiking path into a 'walkway of terror' for Halloween. I think it would be so cool to have people hike up the hill and have things jump out at them, scaring their socks off. She didn't think it was such a good idea. It would take a lot of work to rig things up like that and to get people to stay on the path. Plus if its wet they're liable to slide down the hill and break something. But still... I think it's a great idea.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Return To Reality

Somewhat of a return, anyway. I apologize for the previous couple of posts made by one or more of my alternative personalities. But it's ok to float off the deep end once in awhile, right?

I'm still working on a way to quit working and still have money coming in. Despite all the infomercials to the contrary, it's not easy to do. At least I haven't thought of anything yet...nothing legal anyway. I could play the stock market I guess, but with my luck I know how long I would last(when flipping a coin 100 times I would lose 92 times). *Interrupting that thought for a minute, did I just see a bare breast on tv? Twice? It was an ad for a show called Fashion House on WB, and it sure looked like it. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against showing breasts on medical shows or showing women breastfeeding, or National Geographic-type shows where it's the norm to go topless, but when they're definitely used to charge the sexual fantasies of the male audience - on a public tv station - then yes, that's something I don't want my kids watching.
Ok, what was I talking about? Vacation? Yes, I DO need one. Oh wait... I was talking permanent vacation. This was another day at work when I almost walked out. I've been there nine years, but lately it's so bad that if I don't get something else soon I'll lose my mind... what's left of it. So if you're reading this and have an idea of something to do to make money without really working........then you probably aren't willing to share that knowledge, so quit reading. Anyone else who really wants to help, or if you're looking for the same thing as me, maybe we can put our heads and your cash reserves to work and do something profitable.
Not a whole lot going on in the family news. Youngest son is off for a campout this weekend, the middle one just got his first car(we just got him the car and he's working on getting it running), and the oldest son is using my car because he got in a wreck Thursday. A little bit ironic that he got into one before his brother because he's the most careful driver I've ever seen, and his brother has a lead foot.
Well hopefully it's a nice weekend so I can get some things done that I want. If it isn't then I'll come on here and complain about it. So long.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


I had the honor of being called by none other than Gerv Granson of the Gorley Flats Moon Times wanting an interview, so naturally I accommodated him and was pretty excited to get my name back in circulation. We covered a good deal of topics and had a lot of fun so I decided to put it in my blog for anyone who hasn't made it out to get a copy at the store. Here it is.

Gerv: Tim, thank you so much for seeing me on short notice. I know your schedule is full so I really appreciate you taking time out to talk with me.
Tim: Harv, it's always a pleasure to sit down with such a well-known personality like yourself and spend a few moments chatting and reminiscing.
Gerv: You've chosen to live out of the limelight for some time now, do you miss it at all?
Tim: Steve, let me tell you something. There's nothing like coming home every night and having a family waiting for you. Yes, occasionally I long for the days when I had to wade through a crowd of paparazzi to get to my car, but most days I hardly think of it at all.
Gerv: I saw an article where Debbie Gibson was being asked about her early days and she didn't even mention you. Does that bother you at all?
Tim: No, Ken it really doesn't because we've both moved on. Just because we parted on umm.. "not so good terms" doesn't mean that I hold a grudge. I'm glad for her success.
Gerv: Yes, but being the keyboard player and helping to put her into the spotlight... I mean.. you have to feel a little bit put off when you get no credit for her success.
Tim: Not at all. Really.
Gerv: Ok, moving on. There are a lot of rumors about Tim floating around, everything from your military career to your run for govenor to a scandal on your infomercial. Let's see if we can set the record straight, shall we?
Tim:(chuckling) Sure thing Gene, you know I've sure heard some doozies myself so I'll be happy to answer any pertinent question you might have.
Gerv: Ok, first of all what happened in Turkey in 1982?
Tim: I'm sorry Bob, but that will have to remain a rumor. What happened then is still classified and I can't say anything about it without compromising several key facts of history.
Gerv: Fair enough. Now, a big one I've heard is that President Reagan introduced you at a dinner as David Gates, from the group Bread. Any truth to that?
Tim: (laughing) That's one I haven't heard yet.
Tim: (still laughing) Actually that one is false in two ways. First off, it was in 1980 before Ron became president. Second, I never had dinner with the man, I only met him at a Republican Campaign stop in Steubenville, Ohio.
Gerv: All right, what about that lawsuit against you by PETA for that incident during your infomercial?
Tim: First of all Jerry, let me say that I support the efforts of PETA all the way, and what happened was a pure accident. We were demonstrating how my Super Suck Power Cleaner could clean almost everything, including your pets. Well, I had a new employee who wasn't totally familiar with the machine and when he was trying to groom the dog we had he didn't use the lower setting. I assure you that we sought medical care for the animal as soon as we dislodged the eyeball from the hose. It's now just as happy as any other pooch with a glass eye.
Gerv: I'm sure it is. Now, tell me exactly how you were able to get your bionic legs. I laughed when I heard that one, but when I walked in your yard and saw you leaping a full twenty feet into the air to get that frizbee off the roof I was stunned! You have to tell me about that.
Tim: (smiling sheepishly) Well, it just so happened that I was on a twin engine plane coming back from Seattle with Rod Stewart. One of the engines blew and the plane started going out of control. It seemed the only way to right it was to lighten the load. There was only one parachute, so I volunteered to jump with Rod's treasured rock collection. Well, it was heavier than I thought and I landed wrong, crushing both my legs.
Gerv: Wait, you said 'rock collection', do you mean tapes? CD's? What do you mean?
Tim: Rod is a collector of rare stones and rocks, some weighing as much as sixty pounds. On this particular trip he had brought them along because there was a convention or something about rare rocks near where he was playing.
Gerv: And you jumped out with his rocks??
Tim: Of course. I know what it's like to want to protect your valuables. I'm only glad he trusted me enough with them to help me jump out the plane.
Gerv: That's incredible. How much extra weight did they add to your jump?
Tim: I think they were about 130 pounds total.
Gerv: Why didn't you let the rocks fall when you saw you were descending too fast?
Tim: I told Rod I'd make sure they made it safely to the ground.
Gerv: Well what happened next?
Tim: When the plane landed - safely - Rod came back with the rescue team and was so happy about his rocks that he ordered me taken to his personal doctor, who, I guess, has access to almost limitless technology. He gave me the legs and I've had no problems with them since.
Gerv: Amazing. ok Tim, finally one more question for you. Some have said that you have a short-term memory problem. That you can't even remember a person's name sometimes. Is there anything to that?
Tim: Randy, I believe in being honest and open about my problems, and it is true that once in awhile I will forget the name of some... person that I don't know very well, or if I meet them for the first time I might not catch their name, but Chet, I never forget the important people I meet. People like yourself who are well-known and respected... I take pride in knowing all the "in" people.
Gerv: Thank you Tim, for sitting here and chatting with me tonight.
Gerv: Thank you Dan. It's always nice to talk to you and get reconnected with the public.

I thought it went rather well.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Like A Ship on the Ocean

I've been sick again for the last couple of days. I don't know if it's the same cold/flu I had for a couple of weeks that's coming back or just something I ate, but I was awake all night Sunday and called off work yesterday - the first time I've done that in about three years. Right now I've got that crappy, on-the-verge-of-death kind of feeling, but other than that I'm doing just fine.
I was going to write about 9/11/01 yesterday, and where I was when it happened, but there was so much on tv about it that I didn't think anyone wanted to come on here and read more about it.
Actually there's not much new going on. I'm hating my job more and more every day, and I really need to make a new resume and go out seeking new employment. I'd really like to get into business for myself but all the ideas I have for starting something new around here would cost a lot more money than I could come up with. My alternate plan for just quitting and becoming a SAHD are meeting with a lot of resistance from my wife, who fails to see the advantage of having me home all the time while she provides for the family. I could take care of all the housework, except for the things that I know she LOVES to do. Also I would have a lot more time for things that I just don't have time for now, like; picking out good dvd rentals, shampooing the carpets every week.. ok every month...well maybe twice a year, resetting the grandfather clock which has been five hours fast for half a year now, and improving this blog site to deliver optimum enjoyment for all who visit. Yes, I would keep pretty busy with no job to hinder me. But for now I have to slave away like a regular sap, wasting five days a week to put money in someone else's pocket.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Much Ado About Nothing

Wow! I sure write a lot about absolutely nothing. It says I've posted 65 entries since I started on here in Feb. or March. The number of those that are meaningful and thought-provoking probably aren't that many though.... closer to, say.....none. I started out with the intention on honing my writing skills while at the same time giving the world a much longed-for look into the life and times of Tim. However, with the lack of responses I've gotten on here I can only conclude one thing.... they're all waiting for the book to come out. So, here it is! Offered for the first time ever... everything you wanted to know about the man, his ideas, his daily life... any questions you have are answered in this one amazing hard bound book! What does Tim look like? ANSWERED! Is that his real name? IT'S IN THERE! Will he really send me an autographed copy of his book for that low low price? YES! But quantities are limited so ACT NOW! Just three or four easy payments of $29.99 plus shipping, handling, postage and various writer-assessed fees and you can have it in the privacy of your own home to enjoy and hand down to future generations. But... if you're one of the first two thousand you'll also receive a two- CD set of my very own dance steps. That's right! Without the interruption of accompanying music you can hear me dance to all my favorite songs. Pop, Heavy Metal, Jazz, and sooth, mellow easy listening... I dance to all of it on these cd's, and it's yours free! And that's not all! In every packet I also include a special surprise. It could be a pair of socks, a crayon, or maybe even an offer from a credit card company. But quantities are limited, sorry, so you have to take advantage of this offer RIGHT NOW! Please send cash or your debit card along with your pin number and I'll be sure that all expenses are deducted then I'll send your card back along with your new book and all those valuable extras. Thanks for giving me this chance to share my life with you.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Happy Labor Day

Although it hasn't been happy for me so far. My computer crashed and I've spent the most of the early afternoon reformatting it. I need a new computer! I'll put that on my needs list for when I hit the lottery. In the meantime I have to try to find everything that I saved on discs and try to put them back on my hard drive. At least I have the day off to tinker around with it.

I was thinking about some of the friendships I've had, past and present, and I realize that I never seem to maintain friendships with females for very long. Umm... no, that's not exactly what I want to say... I guess relationships with women are very different than with men. With my male friends I can go without seeing them for months or years and the next time we meet we start talking like we always did. With women I can never tell what my status is... whether we are just casual friends or if it's something more lasting. I'd had a few who have told me their secrets like I was their best pal, only to walk past me without a word the next time I see them. Since this has happened more than once I've concluded that: A) Either I was mistaken about the depth of our relationship, or B) Women in general are fickle beasts, or C) I am boring or otherwise turn women off after so long. Probably a combination of those things, but it definitely affects the way I approach things . I'm very distrusting of women now, which is a way I don't like to be because I'm an open person by nature. I guess I was raised to see someone as an honest, true person until they gave me a reason to believe otherwise. It took me awhile to see that a lot of people seem to be that way but are really guarded about themselves and don't trust me. I think women in particular because they are more vulnerable and therefore are naturally more cautious about their relationships. My wife isn't really that way, but maybe birthing three boys gave her some extra testosterone and she's now half man or something. As long as she doesn't grow a pair of hairy hangers I guess it works out good. Anyway, I was thinking about girl I was very close to (I thought so anyway) for about 11 years who I haven't heard from in over two years and that got me to writing this.

Ok, I got done reformatting about an hour ago now I'm getting all these registry repair popups that I forget how to get rid of. Guess I'll have to go find out what I did the last time, maybe I can get this thing running again.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Top Questions

Working with the public can be entertaining at times, since a lot of the public is... oh... let's say.. not in the upper percentile when it comes to IQ scores. I often get hit with questions that I have to restrain myself to keep from laughing at. Here are some that I get:

Customer:"Where's the restroom"
Me:"At the front of the store sir"
Customer:"Isn't there one back here?" (looking past me at the stockroom doors)
Me:"No sir, in the front past the registers."
Customer:"You mean there ain't one back there." (walks over and looks through the window into the stockroom, at which time I'm starting to worry that he might not actually make it to the restroom and I might have a mess to clean up...customer finally moves toward front of store)

Customer standing in front of sign that says SUNDAY BEER SALES : "Do you guys sell beer on Sunday?"

Customer:"What does this mean, BUY ONE GET ONE FREE?"
Me: "Purchase one and you get the second one free"
Customer, obviously flustered: "Why do they have to make it so difficult to understand?"

Customer approaching me as I'm in my work attire working a cartload of stock:"Excuse me, do you work here?"

Customer, staring at the Hot Pockets;"Are these the Hot Pockets?"
Me: "No ma'am, if you read the fine print you'll see they're really Snot Pockets."

Then there are the people who look at every single gallon of milk to get the best date, then come up and say "Do you have any in back with a better date? I'm afraid I won't be able to finish this before it expires." It could be dated eight months from now and they'll still try to get one that's eight months and one day. "Oh yes, that's MUCH better!"

And the women who go to get a dozen eggs, look at every single carton - mixing them all up in the process - finally pick one out then come up and say "Do you have any better looking eggs in the back?" I take the dozen they have, walk to the back, stand for ten seconds, then bring out the same carton and give them. They look at it - "Oh yes, these are good ones, thank you so much!"

Working with the public... gotta love it.